


The Kübler-Ross model

by OhHolyHell



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Kylux - Freeform, M/M, Moving On, Not that I'm against that or anything, Reylo Friendship, i'll shut up now, not a happy fic, not relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-11
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-08-07 23:12:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7733491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhHolyHell/pseuds/OhHolyHell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Hux was gone. </i><br/>He couldn't be.<br/>It wasn't fair.<br/>Why wasn't it him?<br/>Please.<br/>Hux was gone.</p><p>(Title's just a fancy way of saying the five stages of grief)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Kübler-Ross model

**Author's Note:**

> Another sad fic, what a surprise, sorry to do this to you.
> 
> I just want to say that the Kylux fandom is the nicest one I write for and I would like to say a huge thank youu!
> 
> Drop by my [Tumblr?](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lets-ship-everything)

Hux wasn't picking up the phone. Why wasn't Hux picking up the phone? He _always_ picked up the phone, even if it was just to snap that he was in a meeting and to call back later. But no, he was just letting it run to voicemail. Hux didn't even have a voicemail greeting because _he always picked up the damn phone_

Between the 37th and 38th ring, just as Kylo was about to hit the button again, his phone began to buzz and Hux's disgruntled face popped up on the screen with the heading 'Armitage <3'. Kylo answered on the first ring and breathed out in relief.

"Hux? Oh thank God, what-"

"Is this Benjamin?" The female voice that answered sounded sad and slightly panicked as she spoke and Kylo pulled the phone away from his face in confusion, looking at the caller ID. Yep, that was definitely Hux, so who was this woman?

"Oh, yes, I forgot he called me that. If I may, who are you?"

"I'm- I'm no-one." Kylo was about to speak again but she carried on, "I'm so, so sorry!" The woman's voice started to crack as she spoke, getting faster and higher pitched every second, "I'm so, so, so, so, so, so-"

"What the hell is going on?" The woman stopped talking instantly and Kylo could actually hear the click of her jaw as she shut it. 

"He was just driving along and this car- oh it came out of nowhere, ran the lights and _smashed_ into him. Oh my god I've never seen anything so horrible. And his phone, his phone just flew out and that's not such a big deal but-" Kylo could barely understand her as she spoke so fast but he got the gist and sat down heavily on the sofa, "And you just kept calling and calling and I didn't know what to do and I supposed I should pick it up and try to explain but I realise that that was so stupid because now you're all upset and, oh god, what have I done?"

"It's fine, really, just how is he, _where_ is he?"

"A 'n' E, he's in a really bad way." Kylo stopped listening, his ears ringing as he heard this. Somehow, he still got the address of the hospital and rocketed down in his banged up Corolla, almost running a few red lights himself. How fucking ironic, he thought, screeching into the car park. He stormed into the hospital, right past the petite brunette on her phone but was stopped by a now familiar voice. "Hey, you! Long hair, with the nose!" He whirled around to look at the girl, a question in his eyes but instead of speaking, she just held up the phone, which read, ' **Calling:** Benjamin <3'. The phone in his hand buzzed and he realised that the photo on the phone she was holding was of him, grinning stupidly. "I'm sorry." Her voice was a whisper and he wondered why she kept apologising when it wasn't even her damn fault.

"What have you got to apologise for?!" He hurried through the lobby, up to the desk still not believing what this strange, small woman was telling him.

  


Stage One: _Denial_

Kylo abandons the small brunette in the lobby and all but sprints to the front desk, wild eyed and probably freaking out the poor lady shuffling files. He smoothed down his hair and breathed out slowly before asking, 

"Hi, do you know where I can ask about a patient? ... No I'm not family but I'm the only one that's going to come down... Yes I know you can't give me any details ... Right thank you." He stormed over to the A&E department and spotted who he was looking for. 

The tall blond doctor stood outside a room, tapping her foot nervously clenching and loosening her fingers around the edge of her clipboard.

"Phasma!" Kylo called out to her and she turned her head. When she sees who it is, she drops the clipboard and throws her hands up to her face. Oh dear. That can't be good.

"Kylo, I'm so, so sorry." Can't she see he doesn't want her fucking apologies, he just wants to see his partner. How hard is this for everyone to grasp?

"I don't care just where is he?

"Kylo stop." She grabs his shoulders and looks down into his eyes. "Hux, he's gone Kylo. He was gone on impact. There was nothing we could do." Was she kidding? Was she fucking kidding? Kylo rips away from her and tears into the room where Hux is. Hux is on the bed, peacefully resting on the bed, covered in a sheet. There look, he was fine! What was Phasma on about? Kylo touches Hux's shoulder trying to rouse him gently.

"Come on babe, wake up." He wasn't gone, just look at him. "Babe?" Look at him. "HUX?" _Look at him_. Kylo slowly sunk to the floor, the cool tile providing something to anchor him. "He can't, he can't, he can't can't can't." Kylo started sobbing on the floor as he babbled.

Phasma clocked out early to take Kylo home and spent the whole journey trying to convince him that there really was nothing he could do to fix it and no, Hux wasn't coming home. 

Kylo stayed up the whole night, clutching the phone and watching the door.

  


Stage Two: _Anger_

Kylo woke up feeling around for Hux's soft warmth and finding nothing but couch cushions and his phone. What the fuck? Oh. He'd gotten a text from Phasma asking how he was and to get some proper sleep, in a bed. How could he sleep in that bed ever again? It would be tainted _forever_ with the memories of Hux. It wasn't fair! Why did Hux get to go and fuck off to heaven or hell or purgatory or wherever and leave the rest of them alone, mourning his selfish ass? Kylo angrily made himself a cup of tea - or rather tried to - before getting frustrated at not being able to get the teabag out and swiping the cup onto the floor. He'd probably regret that later, Hux would have been annoyed that the set was missing a mug now. 

After shoving the bits of china into a plastic bag, Kylo flung open the door to go bin the shards of cup. He wrenched it with such force that it groaned on its hinges and crashed against the wall beside it. It bounced back with a vengeance, catching him on the shoulder where he was frozen in the door way. The little brunette from yesterday was standing outside the door, stock still, with he hand inside her bag. 

"Erm. Hello? Benjamin?" He was surprised that she didn't run for the hills after witnessing the start to one of his temper tantrums but here she was.

"It's Kylo," he said casually before, "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Right, well, you see, I still had _his_ phone and I didn't know what to do with it because y'know, so I went back to the hospital and saw that doctor, the blonde one that took you home and she gave me your address." She held out the phone with a grimace and he took it from her gently, hands shaking with barely suppressed anger and sadness. He turned the phone over in his palm, turning it on and looking at the screensaver. It was a photo of the two of them, taken by Phasma, just after Hux asked him to move in with him. Hux was standing, tiny hands in Kylo's huge mitts, with a lopsided grin on his face, looking up at Kylo. Kylo, however, was about two foot off the ground, jumping for joy, with his hilariously stupid grin taking up about 60% of his face. "That's- that's a really lovely- lovely ph-photo-" The girl's face crumpled and she shook with gentle sobs.

"Why are _you_ crying?!" Kylo was yelling now, he knew this poor woman didn't deserve it but it just wasn't fair! She didn't have the right to mourn Hux! Hux was _his_. Before he knew it, the phone was flying out of his hand, frisbee-ing into the thin plaster of the hollow wall, where it stuck. The woman stopped crying for a second, mumbled something like 'what about all your lovely photos?' and stood straight, head down in the hallway, sniffing. No-one had come out to her aid, probably because they were used to Kylo's yelling by now and not knowing what to do, Kylo awkwardly patted her shoulder in some farce of comfort. This seemed to be an invitation for this mouse woman to surge forward and wrap her arms around his waist, sobbing into his shirt. 

"It's just so goddamn awful!" He hugged her gently nodding along with her distraught ramblings.

"He's got all the photos saved on the computer." 

Little brunette let out a desperate, relieved gasp of a laugh against his ribs and Kylo tried to ignore the way she sounded like Hux when he cried.

  


Stage three: _Bargaining_

Rey, apparently the name of the tiny tan woman in his kitchen had bounced back fairly quickly and was (more successfully) making tea, humming an old fashioned song that sounded suspiciously like Hux's lullaby from Arkanis, his little hometown in Ireland. Kylo had invited her inside because they were probably being watched through every peephole in the corridor and sat her down at the table. He had tried to start making another cup of tea but his eyes were blurry and he couldn't remember the order of the steps. He made the coffee, not the tea. Hux made the tea. Rey had taken pity on him and maneuvered him back into the chair and finished the tea. 

They were in silence until Kylo broke it with a quiet voice filled with gravel from crying so long.

"What if it was me? Why wasn't it me? He was worth so much more than me. He was important to _so many_ more people." Rey's hand carefully covers his own and he carried on. "He was the only one who would have missed me. He was all I had. Why didn't they take me?!" He looked imploringly into her eyes and she smiled slowly. 

"Because they always take the ones we love most Kylo. And sometimes they make mistakes, they put angels on the earth by accident and then they have to take them back, put them in their rightful position." Kylo gaped, where did this young girl get all this, and moreover, where did she fit it all in her tiny body? "And look at you, would you want him to be this upset? Would you wish this upon him?"

Kylo really wanted to argue with with her, but he realised that no. He didn't want Hux to feel like he did because it sucked, it sucked to have your heart ripped out and taken away from you with the one person you love most in the world. It didn't stop Kylo from wishing it was him in the mangled mess that was Hux's Volvo, either instead of, or with Hux.

"Gay people go to Hell Rey." She looked shocked but at seeing the grin on his face, her expression melted into a soft smile.

  


Stage four: _Depression_

The funeral was supposed to be a small affair, what with Hux having about zero family alive or talking to him. That, however, seemed like it wouldn't be the case. When Kylo arrived, there was an ocean of black, moving in waves and tides into the church. There were people he didn't one hundred percent recognise there, all in _floods_ of tears in the back row, about 10 redheads with lilting accents shaking his hand, apologising for his loss, a few of Hux's coworkers and a scattering of their friends here and there. Phasma came up to him, several tissues in hand and he started. This was Phasma, Phasma who wore a silver dress to her _mother's_ funeral, in a dress black as the night shaking with sobs. The sorrow looks amplified on such a tall woman and all Kylo can do is hold her as her huge sobs rack through them both.

Most of the guests were sat down and there were only a few stragglers coming in at intervals when Rey came in. He heard her first, the rapid click of her short strides in her heels alerted him to her presence and Kylo turned his head. The expression she was wearing was one of not sorrow, but worry and he frowned. He ushered Phasma to her seat, kissed her forehead and hurried over to Rey. Before he could ask what was wrong, she cut him off,

"Kylo, your parents." They had previously looked at photos of him and Hux so Rey could 'get to know' him a little better. Kylo had tried to skip a couple of pages in the photo albums but Rey had insisted he turn back. They then spent the next three hours switching between crying and regaling stories of their horrible parents. Kylo's parents had kicked him out of the house for being gay and Rey's parents were homophobic abusers that abandoned her to go on a drinking spree and never came back. Kylo was haunted by the look in Rey's eyes when she told him that she felt no remorse when she found out about the car crash they were in. His expression hardened and he hissed, 

"Where?" He didn't get his answer as three people entered the church, a grey haired man and a short woman, along with a redheaded man with a stern expression. Seeing his parents after so long didn't ignite the anger Kylo was expecting but rather sadness, intensified more as he recognised the redhead as Brendol Hux, Hux's father. He choked out an excuse and left a curt Rey to deal with his and Hux's parents.

The four sat on the front row, next to Phasma and Kylo stepped up to the podium to give his eulogy. As he stood there and looked at his notes, Kylo realised that the tears in his eyes were making it hard to read. _Fuck it,_ he thought, _I'm gonna wing it._

"Armitage Hux... Armitage Hux would hate that I just used his full name right now. He'd also hate that I didn't shave this morning or that the buffet has tuna mayonnaise sandwiches. But what he'd hate the most is that we're all here, missing our ever-precious work," that got a few watery laughs, relaxing Kylo slightly, ", just for him. You know he'd tell us to buck up and get those reports on his desk by ten. Hux was definitely obsessed with his work, I remember him coming home with piles and piles of work every day and often we'd all have dinner together, me, him, and the reports. But it didn't matter, because he was with me. And I remember when it was just us in the world, no family, barely any friends and he told me that he would be with me forever, until everyone who knows him forgets him. So please don't mourn, go to work, make a friend, buy some chocolate but please don't- don't forget him. Because Armitage Hux would hate to be erased from us."

Kylo didn't see Phasma come up the stairs until she placed a hand on his shoulder and gently led him down to the pews.

"That was beautiful Kylo." Rey leaned across Phasma to pat Kylo's leg and he offered her a small smile. 

"I've never told anyone that before," whispered Kylo, wringing his hands. He pressed his face into the soft material of Phasma's sleeve as she and Rey shot his parents and Brendol sharp looks.

As friends and family said their final goodbyes to Hux, Kylo slipped Hux's now cracked phone, turned firmly off, into the breast pocket of his well-pressed blue suit. He let the tears drip their way down his face as Rey dropped his rose into the grave for him. Leia and Han stood dutifully, if uncomfortably across from them, on the other side of the grave. Brendol Hux was nowhere to be seen.

Hux hated that suit.

  


Stage five: _Acceptance_

When Kylo finally realised that Hux was gone, he also realised that he needed to move on. He still left flowers on Hux's grave and he still made too much pasta but he bought himself a smaller bed and turned Hux's office into a second room for Rey to stay in. 

"I can't do that! Kylo you could use that room for your art or something!" 

"Rey, you live in, if I may, a hovel, and you can't very well move in with Phasma after what, two months? And anyway, I could do with help with the rent, its a hundred less than yours is now and-" Kylo was stopped by Rey flinging her arms around his neck, squealing. 

"We're gonna have a blast!"

The three were curled up on the sofa, during one of their frequent movie nights when Rey caught Kylo staring off towards Hux's armchair.

"Whatcha looking at beaky?" Kylo gave her a look to remind her how much he hated that nickname while Phasma laughed, pulling Rey back towards her. 

"It's just-" Kylo stood as Rey paused the film and lifted Hux's still three-quarter full bottle of whiskey and brought it back to the sofa.

"Whiskey?" Kylo nodded.

"Midleton, it's from Ireland, Hux grew up there. Expensive stuff." As Kylo reminisced, Phasma slipped to the kitchen brought back four shot glasses, setting them heavily on the coffee table while gesturing for the bottle. "It's a sipping whiskey! Kylo protested as Phasma poured the shots saying,

"Not any-fucking-more it isn't."

They spent the night laughing, dancing and flipping through photos of a stormy eyed boy with autumn leaf hair. The bottle was emptied quickly and as the level dropped, Kylo felt the sorrow slip off his shoulders with it.

  


The fourth shot glass stayed on the arm of the chair. Full.

**Author's Note:**

> Can I write happy things? No, no I can't.


End file.
